


Comfort of an Older Brother

by Rawrlove19



Series: Inner Demons [2]
Category: Janoskians
Genre: Brotherly Love, Comfort, Depression, Twins, older brother, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 08:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10081811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rawrlove19/pseuds/Rawrlove19
Summary: This is actually a continuation of Green Little Monster that xXNovaXx requested, but it can stand alone.It takes some wise words from an older brother to bring perspective to Jai and his own self-hate.





	

"Luke for the millionth time, just leave me alone! You can't fix me. I'm impossible to fix. I should of never told you anything." Jai shouted at his twin brother. Luke ran out of the room in tears. It absolutely tore him apart to see his twin brother like this. His tears were clouding his vision to the extent that he didn't even realize someone was in front of him until he ran into the person and knocked both of them over. 

"Luke? Are you okay?" Beau asked his little brother in concern. 

"Yes. I mean no. It's just...Jai. I don't know what to do with him. I think your idea of showering him in love has done more harm than good."

"Yeah that probably wasn't the best idea. He's always been kind of shy so I bet all of the attention is killing him. I'll talk to him, so don't worry."

Beau sighed and made his way to Jai's room. Knocking on the door first, he slowly entered his youngest brother's room.

"Jai, mind if we talk for a bit?" Beau asked carefully.

"Umm I guess."

"I just wanted to apologize. I've basically neglected you for years and I'm sorry for that. I should have-"

"Beau just stop!" Jai harshly demanded. "I get it. Luke told you that I'm depressed and now you feel guilty. It's not your fault, and to be honest I'm not really depressed. I told Luke a secret and he didn't agree with it. That's no reason for you to feel guilty."

"You told Luke that it was impossible for someone to love you. No non-depressed person feels that way! I know I haven't been the best big brother, but I love you so much that hurts just knowing that you feel that way. I've let you down and I'm sorry."

"We'll have you ever considered that maybe I don't want your love?" Jai asked.

"What do you mean?" Beau stared at his brother with a feeling of dread settling inside his stomach. Sometimes, Jai could say things that downright terrified him. That was another failure on his part. Jai said dark, twisted things that only someone truly depressed could think of, but he didn't even give those things a second thought.

"Whenever someone tells me they love me, they either die or leave me some other way. I prefer them to die though, because when they just leave I know it's because I wasn't worth their time." Jai chuckled humorlessly before tears formed in his eyes.

"Jai," Beau said carefully, "Why is it so hard for you to believe that people love you?"

"Because how are people supposed to love me when I can't even love myself, Beau. Everyone expects me to be the perfect twin, and then there's Luke who is perfect at nearly everything he does. I can't compete with that."

"You don't have to. Luke is far from perfect. You two may be twins, but your strengths and weaknesses are completely different. You're more athletic than he is. You're more committed and you're far kinder than he could ever be."

"But-"

"That doesn't mean I'm putting Luke down. He's more out going and headstrong than you are. You can be very shy at times and that's something he's never really had to deal with. What I'm trying to say is that neither of you are perfect twins. You both have bad qualities and good qualities, they're just different. Accept yourself for who you are, Jai. We do, so who cares what the haters have to say?"

"It's not about the haters. It's not." Jai started to cry openly now.  "I honestly hate myself, Beau. I'm so insecure and I just..."

"Do you know what I see when I look at you?" Beau smiled, "I see my youngest brother Jai. I see someone who likes to hide himself from the world, but the very people he hides from can't help but to respect him once they get a glimpse. I see someone who is strong and brave and someone whom I'm proud to call my little brother. You need to love yourself, Jai. We all love you, so don't keep putting yourself through this."

Jai's eyes widened further and further, the longer Beau spoke. He had no idea his brother felt that way. It was time, he decided, to make a change. He hurriedly left the room to find Luke.

"Luke?" Jai called knocking on his twin's bedroom door before walking inside. Luke immediately sat up on his bed and wiped the tears off his face.

"Hey what's up, Jai." Luke said cheerily, trying to make it seem like he hadn't just been crying. Jai wordlessly walked over to the bed and enveloped Luke in a tight hug. "Jai?"

"I'm sorry." Jai breathed. " I'm sorry. I've been so selfish. I just focus on my faults that I don't even realize how I affect you."

"It's okay. You're depressed. You don't mean anything."

"Being depressed is not an excuse to hurt someone without caring. I don't know if I can ever love myself again, but I'm ready to let other people in and stop focusing on my problems. Life is too short to make that mistake." 

Luke just smiled and held his twin tighter.


End file.
